Networking When You Hate Networking
Isabella Moore
18 followers
Most people who hate networking hate a specific version of it: rooms full of strangers, forced small talk, and the feeling of asking for something. That version is optional. The useful version is much smaller and much quieter.
Redefine what it is
Networking is not selling yourself. It is being memorable to a handful of people who do similar work to you. The best networkers are usually the ones who ask good questions and remember answers — not the loudest person in the room.
Pick an approach that matches your energy
| Comfort level | Approach | What it costs you |
|---|---|---|
| Very low | Thoughtful comments on other people's work online | Fifteen minutes a week |
| Low | One-to-one messages asking a single specific question | One email, no event |
| Medium | Industry events with a leave-after-one-conversation rule | An hour, with an exit plan |
| Higher | Volunteering or mentoring — repeated contact with the same people | A few weeks of regular time |
The message that gets replies
Do not send "I would love to pick your brain." Send something small, specific and easy to answer:
"Hi Sam — I read your piece on apprenticeship programs and I am trying to decide between a trade and a degree. From your side, what surprised you most about the first year? No need to write much — one sentence would genuinely help."
Specific shows you did the work. Small shows you respect their time. That combination gets answers, and one answered question is the start of a real conversation.
Going to an event without suffering
- Decide in advance that one good conversation is a win
- Arrive early — early is easier because the room is not yet loud
- Ask about them first — everyone prefers being interviewed to being pitched
- Leave before you are drained, even if it is after forty minutes
- Write one note afterwards about what you learned while you still remember it
The follow-up nobody does
Within two days, send a short message that references what they actually said: "You were right about the portfolio advice — I redid the first page and it already looks cleaner." That single message converts a stranger into an acquaintance.
Do it consistently for six months and you will have ten to fifteen people who recognise your name. That is the whole game — no jargon, no business cards, no personality transplant.
Networking is not meeting the most people. It is being worth remembering by a few of them.
